Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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