She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
