my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
