"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
