That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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