Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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