Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
