The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
