Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
