mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
