I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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