I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
