don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize