we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
