Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I had to cum in my sink.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
