I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
