I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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