dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
