A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
