guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
