I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
did i just pee glitter
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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