I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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