She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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