You smell like a Billy Joel song
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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