he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
