if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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