Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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