Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
