i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
