Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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