Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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