apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
