Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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