What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize