I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
