Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
