Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
What drink are we having for lunch?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
