I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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