I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize