And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize