wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
