I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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