before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
