just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
