Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
