So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
