I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
