Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Mom said you looked used
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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