Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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