maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
True college students do jello shots in the library
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
