he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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