the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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