Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
