My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
