she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
