Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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