the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
