I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize