you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
