I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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