I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
