Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
