i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
