I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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