i would punch a child for taco bell
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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