I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
