OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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