Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
