I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
