Michael Bay diarrhea
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
