He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize