who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
