Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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