hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
