i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
