We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
