I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just had sex bonerless
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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