dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize