just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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