if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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