I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
