dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
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