i think my tv is drunk
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
