I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
