I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
