My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
