Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
