ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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