I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
