grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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