Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
